100 Things You Know If You Watch Doctor Who
by ZabellaCookie
Summary: Does exactly as it says on the tin. With a bit of Doctor/Master if you stand on your head and squint. Credit to gabiace of Deviantart for inspiration, and to my friend Emma for any line containing 'Rory' or 'frowned upon'. Because she's picky like that.


The Doctor is possibly the most adorable thing in the universe, no matter what regeneration.

The Master is obsessed with black leather gloves.

Time Lords drink _a lot_ of tea.

Always bring a banana to a party.

Failing that, jelly babies.

Fish custard does not go down nearly as well.

The ginger companions are always the funniest.

But the Doctor prefers blondes.

When Captain Jack stops flirting, the world will implode.

The Big Bad Wolf really is something to be afraid of.

The Doctor spends way too much time in London.

The only time Cardiff is safer than London is Christmas.

The good ship Valiant took out the Sontarans. You can't work out if the Master would be proud of the destruction, or lament them using it for good.

Never trust a politician with any variation of the name Harry.

Time Lords can do a lot of interesting things with a bit of salt and a shock.

If you're threatened by a Cyberman's head, do not come back with 'Oh yeah? You and what body?'. That's just tempting fate.

Teletubbies. Now that's evolution.

The Adipose are the cutest blobs of fat in existence.

Don't believe it when politicians blame the horrible smell on baked beans for lunch.

Shakespeare was a flirt, and almost certainly bisexual.

The King of France wasn't the only famous figure Madame de Pompadour had a tryst with.

The TARDIS sounds much better with the handbrake on.

It took them millennia of evolution, but the Daleks can finally get up stairs.

K9 got there first.

Sarah Jane is, basically, married to a computer.

One of Sarah Jane's little companion's being called Rani was either so genius you want to cry, or so stupid it makes to want to hit something.

Rose should be happy with her Doctor clone. Plus, she has a beach.

Saying 'It's bigger on the inside!' in reference to the TARDIS makes the Doctor feel like his life's worthwhile.

Kylie Minogue would have made a really shit companion.

The Doctor needs to spend more time with Alonzo. Preferably saying 'Allons-y!'. A lot.

The Titanic is never a safe place, no matter how far away from icebergs it is.

Never trust a lump of plastic with a gun for a hand.

Unless that lump of plastic is called Rory.

Amy and Vincent would have had epic ginger babies.

Once, long ago, the Face of Boe was very hot.

Do not try to speak Latin while in Pompeii with the Doctor. You will sound Welsh.

The Doctor and the Master have the best phone se-, sorry, _conversations_.

The Master does not seem to understand that eating humans is frowned upon.

Wilf is the coolest granddad in the universe.

When trying to rescue the Doctor, untie him from the chair first.

The Master would rather die than let the Doctor win. Problem is, the Doctor doesn't care about winning.

The Doctor is the hottest teacher on Earth, fake or otherwise.

The Doctor is very bad at choosing fake names.

Steven Moffat is the king.

But Russell T Davies was God.

The Doctor wishes Jack would stop doing things 'in his honour'.

Jack has a lot of keys, so many that he keeps a special ring for all the ones belonging to hot people.

The TARDIS key is on that ring.

Mickey's moved on. To Martha. Who knew?

Frankly, the Master should already be dead. Oh well.

Voodoo Child is the Master's favourite song. He can relate.

Amy likes a good Roman.

Old people can be scary too.

At some point, Katie Price changed her name to Cassandra. And had a _lot _more plastic surgery.

If the angels are dangerous, then so are the cherubs. No statue can be trusted.

Drilling in Wales is not recommended.

The Doctor might have promised never to say 'Who da man?' again, but he really, _really_ wants to.

Some sort of jacket is always required to save the universe.

Laser. Who'd have sonic?

Daleks have definitely not studied enough about Earth food, biscuits in particular.

The Doctor is personal friends with most British Prime Ministers, but he has a soft spot for Churchill. Something about an advert.

In an alternate dimension, Rose is a dog. This explains a lot.

France. It's a different planet.

When in a library, nobody is allowed to ask 'Hey, who turned out the lights?'. This will lead to mass hysteria and shadow-checking.

The Doctor likes quoting the Shadow Proclamation. It makes him feel clever.

The Doctor has difficulty predicting the size of underground civilisations.

When near Agatha Christie, keep in mind that all the good men are gay, or aliens.

The sonic screwdriver doesn't do wood.

The Doctor and Donna can't play charades.

The Doctor will use any excuse to wear 3D glasses.

The best way to distract an enemy is to prance around yelling 'LOOK AT ME, I'M A TARGET.'

The Doctor isn't very good at explaining things. Hence 'Big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey...stuff.'

The Doctor is a proud member of Hermits United. It's good fun, for a hermit.

No such thing as vampires. Edward Cullen is a fish from space.

The Doctor is good at football, bad at showers and taking hints.

The drums are real.

The Master's got rhythm.

Queen Victoria was not amused.

Queen Elizabeth, on the other hand... Let's just say the nickname no longer applies.

The Doctor finds himself endlessly amusing.

No interfering. Except in cases of crying children, angsting spaceship captains and the end of the universe.

Sometimes, the Doctor feels like a bit of a stalker.

The Doctor tells the best bedtime stories.

Voting Saxon is always a good idea.

Lots of planets have a North.

The Doctor is rude now. Rude and not ginger. It's all very disappointing.

Any bets under ten quid are abusing your privilege as a traveller in time.

Raxacoricofallapatorius has a twin. Its name is Clom.

Daleks and Cybermen do not get along. It's like Stephen Hawking meets the speaking clock.

Even the Doctor's _pockets_ are bigger on the inside.

It's okay Doctor, everybody cried at Deathly Hallows. Dobby's death was the _worst_.

If you want to live, don't let the Doctor stumble around pressing buttons.

When the Master says 'Get out of the way', that loosely translates to 'I love you.'

The TARDIS is still pissed at the Master for making her a Paradox Machine.

It's always the women, huh Master?

Amelia Pond: best name in the universe.

The Doctor is the Archbishop of Canterbury's special favourite. Shh.

The Doctor is a public menace: he shoot's CCTV cameras, and he'll park _anywhere_.

Bowties are cool.

Fezzes are cooler


End file.
